


The Electra Complex

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25273021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Gigi Goode has just moved from LA to live with her cousin, Nicky. She is almost instantly thrown into the world of Nicky and her tight knit group of friends. This is your average highly romanticised take on a high school experience feat. the season 12 girls as they navigate new love, old feelings and past demons.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Nicky Doll/Jaida Essence Hall
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	1. The Electra Complex

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first multi-chapter fic! This first chapter is mostly Gigi-centric, however that will change in future chapters. Big thanks to Hy-Jinkx for beta reading this, it wouldn't flow as well without you.
> 
> Trigger Warning: There are some mentions of underage drinking in this chapter, which I know isn't always seen to be a big issue, but I just wanted to be on the safe side.

Wherever Gigi Goode went, a series of admirers would follow; at least, that's how it always used to be back in LA. You could’ve taken one look at her and come to the conclusion that she was living the dream. She was the cheer captain, her grades were consistently higher than the average student and she had the perfect all-American boyfriend. She was on track to becoming valedictorian  _ and  _ prom queen, had she only stayed on at Arcasio High. Her shoulder length blonde locks were always carefully styled and sculpted, and she wouldn’t be seen without her long, pastel acrylics and coordinating outfits. If you weren’t in Gigi’s small circle of friends, then you idolised them. And if you were? Well, then you’d be vying for Gigi’s position as top dog. Los Angeles Gigi was a trope from a 2000s movie personified, and while she wasn’t particularly happy with her life, the validation from her peers satisfied her. She was worried she wouldn’t be able to say the same about this new Springfield Gigi. She hated change, it just didn’t sit right with her. 

The last drastic change in her life occurred when her dad finally left the picture for good, around 8 months before she was shipped away to live with her cousin, Nicky. Gigi had a rocky relationship with her father from the moment she was old enough to recognise him, and to recognise patterns. He’d be in and out, showering Gigi and her mother with gifts on every return, but with each departure, he would rob Gigi of something possibly more important than Louboutins or countless bottles of Chanel No.5, the scent that had become her signature; he had robbed her of the ability to express her feelings. 

He taught her to keep emotions bottled up and to repress natural feelings, instead nursing wounds with piles of money. Contrary to her relationship with her father, Gigi and her mother were always extremely close, but Gigi knew she’d ruined that. Why else would her mom decide she’d be better suited living with her Aunt and cousin in  _ Springfield _ of all places?

“Gigi, mon amour!” Nicky exclaimed, running up to her with open arms. The cousins exchanged kisses on either cheek. Nicky pulling Gigi into an embrace. She knew things had been rough, and despite both girls’ tough exterior, they’d always had a special bond. Gigi could remember countless Christmases and Thanksgivings when they were small and spent curled up in a blanket fort watching Barbie movies - Nicky loved  _ The Nutcracker _ while Gigi first discovered her fixation for tailored jackets while watching  _ Barbie and the Three Musketeers _ . Nicky’s small house was very sophisticated, decorated and furnished almost entirely in black and white, with interesting marble sculptures bordering the hallway. The two girls walked upstairs to the bedroom they’d be sharing whilst Gigi was in Missouri. 

“So, Gigi,” Nicky started with a sigh. Gigi looked down at her feet, cracking her knuckles to keep her focus off of Nicky and her next words.

“What did you actually… do?” Nicky paused, trying to correctly word what she would say next without sounding overly blunt. She was prone to being slightly too forward, partially due to a slight language barrier (French being her first language), but mostly because it was just the way her mind worked. A simple to-the-point question should logically provide her with a simple to-the-point answer - and Nicky liked it when things went like that. 

“If it’s okay,” the L.A native began in a slightly sour tone, completely ignoring Nicky’s words, “I’d like to have a rest before dinner.”

Nicky was aware of the obvious avoidance, but she decided to let her cousin be for the meantime; her mother hadn’t told her what had happened with Gigi to make her move in with them, but she knew it must’ve been pretty serious. Gigi and her mom, Nicky’s aunt, had a bond she almost envied - she couldn’t think of any reason why she’d willingly send her away. The girl pouted slightly, pondering the severity of the situation for a few moments more, before leaving Gigi to rest and going downstairs to help her mom with food preparation.

_ Gigi walked into the bar, legs out, flaunting her doll-like figure. She was dressed in a tiny baby pink tennis skirt, and matching crop top. Her mom had shouted at her for “dressing like a pinup,” as she had called it, but Gigi just shrugged it off. She didn’t care what her mom had to say at that moment. She knew she was probably being unfair, that her mom cared about her and only wanted the best, but she needed to blame someone else for everything that went down so she could live with herself. Gigi cocked her head to the side, trying to snatch the attention of the first man to catch her eye. A gruff looking man, probably in his early 50s, his American tan glaringly obvious in the dim lighting, smiled at the 16 year old, biting his bottom lip ever so slightly. She gave him bambi eyes, giggling slightly as she walked towards him. She was nervous, of course she was, but the adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her system aided her greatly in feigning confidence. _

_ “Hey, Candy bear.” he smirked at her, putting his hand on her cheek, “what can I do for you?” _

_ Gigi wanted to shudder, but she managed to maintain her composure, and instead cooed, “I wanna be adored.” _

_ The man slowly nodded, forcefully stealing a kiss from the girl, who submitted, kissing him back. As soon as he pulled away, she ran off, walking as confidently as she could out of the bar. She took a stick of bubblegum out of her bra, hoping it’s minty flavour would remove the lingering smell of liquor from her lips, as she rushed home before her mother awoke. _

“Geege?” Nicky stood in front of her cousin, worry evident in her eyes. Gigi had zoned out. She snapped back into real life, “yeah Nics?” She looked towards the vanity where Nicky was seated, adjusting her hair in the large, illuminated mirror. Nicky’s room was barely big enough to fit both girls’ beds, so it was slightly cramped, but it was still very minimalist, very Nicky.

“I was just saying,” Nicky continued, “I should add you to the group chat of my friends and I - it’ll help you meet people before school starts.”

Gigi smiled, she was grateful that Nicky was being so welcoming, despite having to give up her room.

“Go on then, what harm could it do?”

**_TheNickyDoll added TheGigiGoode_ **

**JanJanJan:** Ahhh hi !! I’m Jan, nice to meet you!!!!

**JaidaEHall:** Jan, chile, calm down you’re gonna scare her off

**JackieCox:** Hi, I’m Jackie.

And yeah, Janny, Jaida’s right, calm down baby.

**TheGigiGoode:** Hey, everyone <3

Thanks for letting me join, you guys are the first people I’ve spoken to here 

other than my family!

**HeidiNCloset:** Heyy

**JanJanJan:** I’m sorry y’all I’m just excited !!

Gigi was relieved to find that she hit it off quite well with Nicky’s friends, whose personalities seemed to be so big she could get a good sense of what they were each like through the screen. Jan was very enthusiastic, Gigi noted immediately. She and Heidi both seemed super sweet, but in different ways - Heidi definitely seemed to crack a lot more jokes. Jan bombarded Gigi with questions about L.A, before Jackie pretty much ordered her to get some sleep. Jackie and Jaida were definitely the two most level headed of the group, Jaida seeming to lead group discussions and Jackie undertaking a more protective role. However, when looking through the list of group members, she noticed one more account that hadn’t interacted in the group chat yet. She was about to ask Nicky who Crystal Methyd was, but when she turned to Nicky’s side of the bedroom she found her fast asleep, in a silk set of pyjamas with her hair in rollers. Gigi knew the only way to get answers now was to stalk her instagram. Luckily, she wasn’t private, so Gigi spent the next 30 minutes looking through her feed. Crystal had curly red hair, and dressed very.... eccentrically, Gigi thought. As if by magic, Gigi then got a notification that made her almost jump out of her skin.

**CrystalMethyd:** Hey everyone! What have I missed? You know how out of the loop I get when I’m painting.

Gigi waited for a couple of seconds before forming a reply, praying one of the other girls would initiate a conversation she could then jump in on. She wanted to talk to this girl, but she didn’t want to do it alone, not when she knew close to nothing about her. Gigi sighed, she’d have to just go for it and respond to the message. That’s how you get anywhere in life, she knew that. 

**TheGigiGoode:** Hey, idk if Nicky told you, but I’m her cousin. She added me to the chat so I could meet you all before school starts up.

**CrystalMethyd:** She did!

I’m Crystal, but you know that from my account of course.

Gigi and Crystal spoke for a while longer, their conversations jumping from favourite food (Gigi liked pasta, Crystal liked pizza, and they were both still obsessed with fruit snacks), to movies Crystal cried over ( _ Marlie and Me. Toy Story, The Notebook,  _ and the list goes on) and ones they both hated. At around 3am, Crystal made the decision to move the conversation to private dms, to avoid spamming her friends as they slept. This new, more intimate setting, and the early hour, seemed to pull feelings on feelings out of the two girls as they began to open up more with each other. If an outsider was to read the messages, they’d never have guessed Gigi hadn’t been aware of Crystal’s existence until just hours earlier. Gigi felt a strange yearning to open up to this girl, who seemed to be so clear about how she felt, but a part of her mind wouldn’t let her even type the words out. Guilt passed through her gut as Crystal explained her worries about her future, how she wanted to be an artist, but her parents weren’t sure whether she’d be able to make a long lasting, stable career out of it. Gigi wished she had half the vulnerability the girl possessed. It sure would make this whole making friends thing a whole lot easier. The light peaking through Nicky’s pitch black blinds startled Gigi, so she said her goodnights to Crystal, who wished her “Sweet dreams, Miss Goode.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: Gigi finally meets the girls in person, and Heidi catches on to something.

“Hey,” Gigi said, as Nicky guided her into Jan’s living room. The first time Crystal saw Gigi in person, she was wearing a fitted pink floral top, and tiny white hot pants, showing off her long legs. She was reminiscent of a supermodel from the 90s fashion shows Jaida forced her to watch, Crystal decided. As she looked up into the blonde’s piercing blue eyes, she became overridden with nerves.  _ Come on Crys,  _ she thought to herself, _ this is the girl you’ve been texting until 4am every night for a week, pull yourself together _ . Jaida gestured towards Crystal, sharing a knowing look with Nicky, who kicked the ginger girl in the shin, causing her to yelp. This sent Heidi into a fit of giggles, and left Gigi feeling very out of place. 

Ever trying to avoid awkwardness, Jan strode up to Gigi with a grin and an almost overly enthusiastic greeting, tugging Jackie along with her by the hand. From the week she’d spent getting to know the girls in the groupchat, she’d been able to work out that Jackie and Jan were very close, and seemed to do everything together, and on the rare occasions they were apart, they sent constant updates of their whereabouts. Jan was as friendly in real life as she was online, and quickly initiated a conversation between the group. Gigi let herself smile, letting go of some of the anxiety inside of her. She fell into a lengthy discussion about fashion with Jaida and Nicky, debated pineapple’s belonging on pizza with Heidi (Gigi is for, Heidi is against), and spoke a bit about cheerleading with Jan. However, her attention would always drift back to Crystal and her crazy tangents about glitter and her theories about One Direction’s reunion.

The day went well, Gigi thought. She’d managed to somewhat let go of her L.A self and relax into her cousin’s friend group. Everyone was very welcoming, and it was quite a refreshing change from back home, where people either were scared of her, wanted her dead, or were only her friend for the recognition that came with the role. It felt good, refreshing almost. She was so caught up in conversation and laughter, each discussion leading seamlessly into another, that she was almost shocked when Nicky tapped her on the shoulder, telling her they needed to start heading off.

“Gi, I swear to god, my mom  _ will _ have a fit, we gotta get going.”

Gig’s first day of school started smoothly. She thought  _ she  _ was an early riser, but had discovered during her short time living with Nicky that some people wake up three hours early just to do their hair and makeup for the day. Heidi lived down the street, so the three girls walked together, joking amongst each other. Gigi liked Heidi, she was funny, and seemed very genuine. They arrived slightly early, so Gigi could get her timetable in order before first period, and passed the basketball court, where Jaida and Jan were dribbling a ball to each other. Gigi had figured Jaida was the sporty type, and Jan, well, Jan was a go-getter. Gigi heard a delighted squeal from the tiny blonde, as the ball passed through the net. 

“That’s my girl!”, a voice cheered from the side of the court, where Jackie was seated, surrounded by textbooks. Jan gave Jackie an excited grin, blushing profusely. Gigi couldn’t tell whether she was red from the exercise, or Jackie’s remark. Los Angeles Gigi would’ve made a snarky, somewhat rude remark here (“ _ What are you all, fucking lesbians or something?”) _ , but for some reason she decided this was  _ not _ something Springfield Gigi would do. She had to remember that, for once in her life, she was the outsider, and she needed to behave accordingly. Always the two most aware in their little group, Jaida glanced at Jan and Jackie, then at Nicky, rolling her eyes, Nicky chuckled slightly and winked at her. Gigi couldn’t help but wonder where Crystal was, as much as she adored her cousin and her friends, there was just something about Crystal that made her feel so safe and comforted.

Gigi Goode knew she was a lesbian. Of course she did, no doubt about it. She’d been aware of her attraction to girls from the age of nine, when she met Rosy, who had been her best friend until freshman year. Rosy was a petite brunette, with full lips and what only could be described as doll-like features. Adults and their peers alike would always refer to her as perfect, and in Gigi’s mind, she absolutely was. There was a point in time when the two girls were inseparable, alternating whose house they’d stay at each weekend. Rosy was the only person that Gigi had let in, the only person that the barrier between her emotions and how she presented herself didn’t apply to. She had been her first, and only, love, and at the time she was entirely convinced Rosy had felt the exact same way. The truth stung, and so did her attraction to other girls. If Rosy, who she believed could do no wrong, thought Gigi was disgusting for her feelings, then she was. After she and Rosy stopped talking, she vowed never to let anything that could even allude to that side of herself show. She would tell herself it wasn’t self-hatred, it was self protection - this way if Rosy ever spoke about how Gigi felt about her, no one would ever believe her. 

Crystal finally arrived to first period Spanish almost 30 minutes late, probably stoned and most definitely without a care in the world. Gigi tried to mask her sigh of relief at Crystal’s arrival with a low cough. She was surprised when her new friend replied to their teacher’s complaints in perfectly fluent spanish. Crystal gave Gigi and Heidi a grin as she danced her way over to the back of the class. Gigi cleared her throat, trying her hardest to ignore how the redhead’s breasts gently bounced with each step. She was wearing a slightly unbuttoned brightly coloured shirt, marched with lots of large beaded necklaces, which rattled as she moved. Her hair was ratty and tangled, but her curls made it work somehow. Gigi envied it. 

“What  _ are _ you staring at her so long for, Miss Gigi?” Heidi sounded amused.

Gigi straightened her back, and began to tap her long, pink acrylics against the table. She wracked her brain for an excuse, anything to dissuade Heidi from entertaining any ideas about her feelings about Crystal.

“Nothing.” she said bluntly, “I just thought she smelled of pot, that's all.”

“Well,” Heidi giggled, “that’s our Crystal, always stoned or overflowing with emotions”.

Gigi nodded, turning her head back to the verbs worksheet in front of her. She needed to put the conversation to a halt before her head began to whirr. Talking about Crystal tended to do that to her, yet it was almost like the red-head had found herself a space in Gigi’s mind rent-free.

_ “Mom?” Gigi called softly, stepping into their L.A apartment. She received no reply, and instead of the excited hums of her mother asking how her day had been, she was greeted with a note.  _

_ “Hi G, working late, won’t be back till past midnight. Make sure to get yourself some dinner before bed. - Mom”.  _

_ Gigi sighed, since her dad’s final departure, her mom had begun to work increasingly later hours each night. It had gotten to the point where she wasn’t arriving home until the early hours of the morning. She knew why, of course. Her mother liked to keep busy, to keep herself distracted from the marriage she once had, the family that had fallen apart, so she had taken on extra shifts as a failed attempt to maintain her “nothing’s wrong” attitude. This angered Gigi, it felt like she’d lost both of her parents instead of just one. She sighed, making her way up to her bedroom to change.  _

_ Her mother had her own patterns, her own ways of dealing with her husband's departure, but so did Gigi. She dumped her bag onto her bed, reaching into her drawers for her outfit of choice - a short plaid skirt that barely covered her butt, and a cropped white tee. She stared at herself in the mirror, knowing deep down she was becoming addicted to the romanticised version of herself, her creation. Gigi was always very self aware, she knew exactly what she was doing, and she knew the way she was presenting herself wasn’t her truth. She also knew her behaviour would lead to her eventual downfall, but she was past the point of return now. If popularity was her drug of choice, attention was her addiction. She smiled at her reflection as she reapplied her makeup before taking off into the warm evening.  _

_ Gigi walked in the club, her body immediately gravitating to the bar at the back, where she leaned, same as most nights when her mother didn’t want to be home, trying to catch the eye of each man as they entered. She wanted to burst out laughing, all of this was a game to her, and she hadn’t lost yet. It took three men before one eagerly returned the girl’s gaze, greeting her with offers of drinks and a fun time. Gigi only smiled, nodding, submitting. The trick was to convince the guy  _ he  _ was the one with the upper hand, that she was merely a young woman, eager to please. Then, once the man felt secure, she’d go in for the kill, slowly rinsing him of money throughout the night. She’d start small, another drink. Then increase her requests - money for a dress and matching lingerie for the next time they meet (“hopefully, in a more intimate setting.” she cooed, bright blue eyes staring up at him). After the 50 dollar bill was placed into Gigi’s hands, she knew it was her time to get out. She hurriedly rushed away, slurring excuses of needing to go to the bathroom and promises of her number upon her return. And with that, she slipped out of the club and made her way back home. _

Gigi had somehow managed to have a class before lunch without a single one of her new friends. This proved to become an issue when the bell rang and she couldn’t find Nicky or her group. The idea of sitting alone at lunch was basically unheard of for her. Not in her eleven years of education had she sat by herself, in fact, there were usually people practically begging to sit on her table. She guessed she could compare her old self to Dahlia, a girl who seemed to share many traits with Gigi, or, at least, how she used to be back in Los Angeles. Like Gigi, she was popular, and from what she had been able to decipher, feared. Gigi resented that here in this new life Dahlia had already claimed the role she was born to play. Trying her hardest to mask the desperation, she looked around until she heard her name coming from somewhere behind her. Crystal ran up to her side, an amused look on her face.

“Lost in thought, were we?” She giggled.

“Just trying to adjust myself to a new school.” Gigi smiled. Crystal grinned, grabbing Gigi by the arm. Gigi’s skin burned at the touch, and she desperately hoped Crystal wouldn’t catch on. They approached Jackie and Heidi, who were sitting on a bench, enthusiastically babbling about a movie Gigi had never heard of and Crystal hadn’t enjoyed. The redhead huffed, dramatically sitting down next to Heidi to grasp the girls’ attention. 

Heidi and Jackie murmured a quick, “Hi Crystal, hi Gigi,” before returning to their discussion. 

Crystal rolled her eyes, patting the seat next to her on the bench, “come on, Geege, I have fruit snacks.”

_ Geege. _ Crystal had never called her that before, and Gigi’s brain was going crazy.  _ Where had this nickname come from? Did she give all her friends nicknames? _ Before her inner monologue could get any louder, the group was interrupted by Jan and Jaida, who were saying their goodbyes to the gaggle of cheerleaders they had emerged from. Gigi couldn't help but feel a sting of jealousy at her new friends’ evident popularity. Jan grinned, sliding onto the bench next to Jackie, and beginning to nibble on her fries. Jackie didn’t object, and instead had just sighed, playfully yet gently moving her hand away. Jan’s smile then looked so genuine, completely meeting her eyes. Gigi was uncharacteristically relaxed with these girls and was engaged in a conversation with Heidi about their favourite TV shows, when Gigi’s mood dropped suddenly. Somehow, the discussion had moved onto the topic of family, and hearing Crystal gush about her close relationship with her mom had made Gigi’s heart ache. 

_ “Stop being such a fucking prima donna, Georgina”, her mother had shouted as she entered the house. She’d left the club later than she should, granted only by minutes, but her mother was home, meaning she’d have to address all that had been going on. Both of them were fully aware of each other's lies, but it wasn’t until now, when her mother had caught her face to face in the act, that they knew a confrontation had to take place. _

_ “Why are you doing this?” Gigi felt a pang of guilt as her mother’s voice switched to a hurt, much softer tone. She wanted so badly to be held by her like she used to be when she was little, but instead of giving in, instead of crying and explaining how lost she’d felt these past months, she decided to hurt her mom more. She didn’t know why she said what she said next, and she regretted it right after, but something inside of her was just spitting the words out of her like venom. _

_ “Maybe if you stopped living your life obsessing over someone who doesn’t care about you, then you’d know half of what’s going on with me.”  _

_ On receiving her daughter's words, Gigi’s mother looked like she’d be slapped in the face, letting out a small gasp as she stepped away. She silently walked away, and got herself a glass of water. She returned to Gigi, who was letting herself cry now. _

_ “You’re moving in with Anais and Nicolette,” the words came out emotionless and solemn, “I don’t think you living in L.A is good for either of us at the minute.” _


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan is running a fever, but Jackie is her priority right now, Jaida's in denial about her feelings for the french girl, and where the fuck do Crystal and Gigi keep running off to?

Jan had been an early riser from the age of seven, there was always so much to get done, and a 5am alarm ensured she’d be able to complete everything to perfection. Today she awoke at 6am, an hour after she usually would, with a throbbing headache and a throat that felt like it was burning. This left her feeling disoriented, and, being a singer, very stressed. She sighed to herself, she was running late, and would already have to miss out on today’s morning workout, but feeling a tiny bit under the weather couldn’t stop her. Jan decided to power through the day, but the moment she stood up and reached for the clothes she’d chosen to wear (a matching lilac top and skirt combo), she found herself running to the bathroom and wrenching the lid of the toilet open. Her petite figure shook aggressively as she began to throw up. Once she’d confirmed there wasn’t anything left inside of her to puke up, she wiped her mouth on a piece of toilet roll, quickly flushing away all evidence of her struggles in the odd chance her mother hadn’t yet left for the day and made her stay home. She took a few tiny steps to the mirror, attempting to regain her stability as she stared at her paler than usual complexion in the mirror. She brushed her hair into a neat half up half down style before splashing her face with cold water. It made her shudder slightly, but it did the job, and she looked slightly more alive. Her phone buzzed louder than she would have liked it to, but she reached for it carefully, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in her head.

**TheGigiGoode:** Good morning, Campers!

**JaidaEHall:** There’s no basketball practice today so we can walk with y’all, Gigi.

If that's cool with you, J?

**CrystalMethyd** : i’ll meet before school and come with you guys !!

**TheNickyDoll:** Crystal, you live nowhere near us.

**HeidiNCloset:** She just wants to talk to our Miss Gigi for longer

**CrystalMethyd:** is there really such a problem with a girl wanting to spend more time with her best friends?

But Geege, I DO have an amazing idea you’ll definitely like !!!

**HeidiNCloset:** What did I tell y’all? We’ve all been replaced by the new girl

**JackieCox:** Hey, I literally feel like shit right now, so I don’t think I’ll be meeting you all early. See you girls at school though!

This panicked Jan. Despite the weak state she was in, she momentarily forgot her own pain and needed to know what was up with her best friend. She and Jackie had been close since the day they met, which had been over a decade ago. 

  
  


**JanJanJan:** What’s wrong Jacks?

Are you gonna be okay?

Is there anything I can do?

Did something serious happen?

**JaidaEHall:** Omg Janice, I don’t think the girls dying

**JackieCox:** Jan ily but it’s just a cold type thing, I think I’m okay, I’m just gonna take it easy today.

Jan sat on her bed, trying to preserve all of her energy before she had to leave the house. She figured her and Jackie had come down with the same thing (they were bound to with all the time they spent together) but for some reason all her worries were for Jackie and not for herself. Jackie was her best friend, and she’d genuinely do anything for her. Jan was usually treated as the baby of the friendship group, but she wanted that to change today. She wanted to be the one looking after Jackie, because if anything happened to that girl, god knows what she would do. 

Jan thought she might have drifted off, because next thing she knew, Jaida’s car had pulled up outside, and she was getting an abundance of texts from her friends telling her to hurry up and come downstairs. Any other day, she would have questioned the safety, and legality, of the travel arrangement in front of her, but she felt like she could throw up again at any moment, so all she could feel was grateful she had been saved a seat and hadn’t been forced to lie down in the boot - a position Heidi had already assumed as the shortest. Jan had been seated next to Gigi and Crystal, who, yet again were sharing fruit snacks. In her delicate state, she couldn’t stand the sweet stench, so resulted to leaning her head against the widow. It was cold, and somewhat relieving. 

“Are you alright Jan?” Jaida frowned affectionately, glancing at the blonde girl in the rear view mirror. 

“She’s probably got whatever Jackie has,” Heidi shouted from the boot. The whole car agreed, but at Jan’s protests that she was perfectly fine, none of them mentioned it further and just decided to keep a closer eye on her. The journey went quickly and was a blur for Jan, the only things on her mind were Jackie and her pounding head. Jackie had arrived earlier to school than expected (or the girls were just later than they thought), so they found her sitting on a bench, wrapped in a fleece and nursing a pack of tissues. Jan carefully stepped out of the car, trying as hard as she could to keep her balance. Nicky quickly tapped Jan on the arm, instantly frowning in worry at the heat radiating off of the younger girl’s body.

“Go easy on yourself today, mon chérie.” She whispered, receiving a nod from Jan who was just itching to talk to Jackie.

“Jackie!!” Jan exclaimed, almost falling onto the other girl. Jackie looked almost as rough as Jan did, but she still pulled Jan up onto the bench beside her, and the two girls wouldn’t break their touch. The unity was comforting for both of them. 

Nicky walked towards Jan and Jackie, bored of standing on the edge of Crystal and Gigi’s conversation about god-knows-what. Never in a million years did she think kooky, alternative Crystal Methyd would have such a connection with her cousin of all people. Nicky was wearing a fitted black blazer, dark tights and not much else - a combination that would not be suitable school attire for anyone other than her (and Jaida on days when she was feeling especially fancy). 

“You’re not feeling too good, huh?” She squeezed Jackie’s arm.

“I’ve definitely been better,” Jackie croaked, smiling at Nicky. 

At the sound of Jackie’s struggling voice, Jan snuggled closer to Jackie. She tried her hardest to hide her own weak state while still receiving the comfort she could only get from Jackie when she felt like this.

“Are you okay, Janny?” Jackie whispered. Her best friend had pretty much put all of her weight on her, and while she’d never mind having Jan close to her, she wasn’t sure if she had the energy to keep her upright right then. 

“I’m okay, I was just so worried about you,” the smaller girl hummed.

It wasn't a complete lie, Jan had been overtaken with worry - she’d known Jackie for over 10 years. Not that she hadn’t known the others, aside from Gigi of course, for that long as well but her relationship with Jackie had always been different. This was especially apparent today, as she fussed over Jackie as much as she could, even though she was almost positive she had a fever herself. She knew Nicky had told her to look after herself today and she noticed the pitiful, disapproving stares, but she couldn’t help herself, she couldn’t bear the idea of her friend struggling in any way. She was often anxious about showing her affection towards Jackie, terrified people would think she had a thing for her, which she didn’t. Just because her friendship group was full of sapphics didn’t mean she was one too. However, today was different, she felt like shit and she needed comfort and evidently so did Jackie.

Lunch came slowly for Jan, who kept looking at the clock every two seconds. She could hardly stand upright as she padded towards the lunch table. She sat down next to Nicky, who was ranting to Heidi and Jaida about Gigi and Crystal’s whereabouts. Jackie wasn’t in sight yet, so Jan decided to take this as an opportunity to rest. She put her head down on the table, trying to block out the loud, bright lunch room. She felt someone carding their fingers through her hair, and managed to trace it back to Jaida, due to the short nails. She groaned, sitting up to look at her friends who’s concerned faces almost caused her to burst into tears.

“J,” Jaida said, checking the smaller girl for a temperature, “let me take you home.”

“But Jackie…” Jan was crying now. She bit her lip in an attempt to halt her tears, but it just made them fall faster.

“But Jackie what?” Jan could recognise Jackie’s voice from a mile away, even when it was sparse and nasally. She looked up, meeting eyes with her friend.

“Our girl Jan here is burning up and won’t let Jaida drive her home,” Heidi said, always the one to explain the situation. 

“Janny!” Jackie exclaimed rushing to her side, “Why didn’t you say anything, baby?”

An immense feeling of guilt came over Jackie then. Who was she kidding? Jan shouldn’t have had to tell her, looking at the girl now it was obvious she was ill.

“I didn’t want to bother you when you weren’t feeling well.” Jan weeped

.

“God, Jan, don’t be silly. Look at me, I’m a big girl with a tiny cold, I’ll be okay” Jackie said between sniffs, “You on the other hand… you look like you’re gonna pass out at any moment.”

_ Jaqueline Cox fell in love with Jan at the age of five. Of course, she didn’t understand what her feelings towards the blonde actually were until the age of ten, but they’d always been there nonetheless. At 15, Jackie had come to terms with the fact that those feelings never would be reciprocated, that she had to move on before she was destined to become a stereotype - the lesbian pining over her beautiful straight best friend. All too often would she grasp on to little things and create made up signs, like how Jan would hold her hand when she was anxious, how she’d always first look for her in a crowded room and go to her for help. Every time Jan expressed how much she loved her she’d be filled with so much joy, but then bitterness would creep up behind her, and the longing for something more between them would overtake her mind. It was freshman year and the girls were at their first ever high school party. It was hosted by Naomi, a senior and it was then that they were exposed to drinking for the first time. Ever the responsible one, Jackie hadn’t had any more than a paper cup of echo falls, meaning she wasn’t even tipsy. She instead spent the majority of the night watching over Jan, who drunkenly babbled to Jackie about her future. She told her how she wanted to move to New York and get on Broadway. _

_ “And I want you to be there with me, Jacks.” she went on, wide brown eyes looking up at Jackie. _

_ “You don’t mean that,” Jackie said calmly, avoiding the fact that her mind was running in circles. _

_ “Sure do,” Jan giggled, before noticing that Nicky and Heidi were beginning to sing karaoke just outside the kitchen in the living room, “I’m sorry,  _ this _ is my calling.” Jan planted a kiss on Jackie’s cheek, so close to where the edges of her lips began. Jackie sat speechless, watching the blonde skip towards her friends, just radiating positivity. She knew Jan didn’t mean what she’d said, not in the way Jackie had wanted it to be meant.  _

Jaida ended up driving Jan, and Jackie (at Jan’s insistence) home. Jackie had finally managed to get Jan into a relaxed position, and was feeling a lot better herself, so she managed to make small talk with Jaida most of the journey.

“You going to Nicky’s party on Saturday?” Jaida asked, glancing at Jackie in the rearview mirror.

“Well, you and Crystal will definitely be in attendance, so it makes sense for us all to come.” Jackie said, matter of factly. 

“Why specifically me and Crystal?” Jaida’s tone was pointed, but she was well aware of the answer that would be coming her way. 

“Come on Jaida, the two of you have literally been pining over the girls of that house,” she laughed, but her cackles turned into a coughing fit, which promptly woke up Jan. 

“Not sure what you’re implying there,” Jaida started, huffing exaggeratedly, “Crystal and Gigi? Sure, that's obvious, but me and Nicky? It’s not like that.” Jackie, Jaida and Jan all knew it exactly was like that. Jaida had always found Nicky hot (hadn’t everyone at some point?) but it was only this year that actual feelings had begun to blossom from the initial attraction. Nicky was never easy to read, so it was hard to tell whether she liked Jaida back or not. It was hard to tell whether she liked anyone.

“I think you and Nicky would be cute together,” Jan sighed sleepily, “you’re both beautiful and terrifying.”

“Excuse me Jannifer, I thought you were meant to be resting,” Jaida smiled smugly, quickly changing the conversation topic to what lessons they were missing to take Jan home. Jan was missing science, which she was very stressed about seeing as it was what she was performing worst in, and Jaida and Jackie had english.

“It’s all good,” Jaida started, “Heidi can catch us up on what we missed.”

“Please, Heidi barely passed last semester, what makes you think she’ll be able to teach us Shakespeare?.”

“Nicky then,” Jaida shrugged, pulling over in Jan’s driveway.

“And wouldn’t you like that.” Jackie smirked as she carefully lifted Jan off of her and unbuckled her seatbelt.

“Jaqueline I swear to god, just because the two of you are unwell doesn’t mean I can’t remember what you’re saying and be annoyed at you later.” Jaida smiled.

Jackie helped Jan into her room, before launching into another coughing fit. This sent Jan into another state of panic, Jackie had done so much for her, she must’ve been so annoyed. Feeling guilty for being an inconvenience, Jan invited Jackie to lay down beside her and rest. It had been a long day, and she felt they both deserved a break from everything. 

“Okay, my sweet, give me a second to take my shoes off.” Jackie smiled at the blonde. She tried to keep her voice as soft and comforting as she could, not wanting to bring more pain to Jan’s head and her own throat.

_ My sweet. _ Jan couldn’t work out what it was about two simple words that could make her feel so alive, so awake. Terms of endearment from Jackie always made her flush bright red and inject an overwhelming sense of passion into her veins. It was a peculiar feeling, one she had never experienced with anyone else. She was about to ponder the feeling further, sending her tired mind into an endless spiral of confusion, when Jackie crawled next to her under the covers, pulling her close. The gesture made Jan’s heart explode and melt all at once, and she decided maybe now wasn’t the time to have a battle with the conflicting feelings in her head. Now was the time to rest, to focus on getting better, and feeling nothing but grateful for her best friend.

_ Jan wasn’t drunk, at least she didn’t think she was. Sure, a bit tipsy but not blackout drunk. She’d had a concoction of different spirits and juices that Nicky claimed was a “french delicacy,” but Jan was pretty sure she and Jaida had just mixed a bit of everything Naomi had laid out on her kitchen counter into a shot glass. Rolling her eyes, Jan took the shot, feeling the burn of the sticky sweet mixture trickling down the back of her throat. It made her giggly at most, more confident maybe, but she was still aware of her surroundings, her vision still intact. Her friends had walked off, offering their newly invented cocktail to Crystal, who poured herself a cup after trying it. Jan scanned the crowd for Jackie, she realised she hadn’t seen her since they entered the house. After exploring, excitedly asking anyone who’d listen whether they’d seen her friend, she found her back where she’d started, in the kitchen. A strange tingling sensation had come over her, tickling her stomach as she almost ran towards Jackie. _

_ “Hi Jacks!” she giggled, grabbing her best friend’s hands and spinning her around. She sat down next to her, grinning. Jackie seemed to be feeling especially protective of her today, giving a stern look to any senior boys that even smiled at her. Jan found it comforting, and it thrilled her to have someone looking over her. She gushed to Jackie about her future dreams, reciting her plans like a song. Jan could feel her friend’s warm breath on her face as she responded, the way she was so engaged in what Jan was saying sent excited chills down her spine. She didn’t know whether it was the intimacy that came with finally being heard, or the confidence that came with everyone assuming you’re drunk, but she felt an urge to kiss Jackie. Her mind was chanting at her to lean forward, and she listened to it, placing an almost triumphant kiss on Jackie’s cheek. Close enough to the lips to satisfy her urges, yet not so much so that it would give the wrong impression, at least Jan hoped so. Buzzing with adrenaline, Jan felt like she was spinning. Completely ignoring the “oohs” from senior boys who had overseen the moment, and an “oh my god” from Crystal (who had returned in search of more of Nicky and Jaida’s “cocktail”). Jan skipped out of the room as fast as she could. Her blonde hair flying behind her, leaving Jackie speechless. _


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky still wants to know whats going on with Crystal and Gigi. And Jaida? Jaida just wants Nicky.

#  FOUR

“So,” Nicky began, raising an eyebrow at her cousin as they walked to school, “Crystal…”

“Yeah, we’ve been hitting it off really well actually. Why do you ask?” Gigi’s smile seemed awkward, embarrassed even. Nicky narrowed her eyes at the rushed reaction. She was convinced something was going on between the two girls, that there was a secret that they were both in on and she was not. 

“Oh, you know,” Nicky began, “I just didn’t really expect the two of you to get that close, I never thought she was the type of person you liked to associate with.”

“Well, I do want to associate with her Nics, I told you I’m different now,” Gigi tensed up at the reminder of her old self. She’d been working on moving away from that side of herself and seeing as Nicky and Anais were the only people here that had ever been exposed to it, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for a revamp. She’d been bored of it anyway. Besides, she really  _ really _ liked Crystal. She loved the way her electric personality could light up a room, the way she cared so deeply about her friends and the way she knew every single One Direction song. Crystal Methyd made her heart glow with warmth and she was certain she wanted her to be a part of her life forever.

“K, I’m sorry.” Nicky felt instantly guilty about creating a tense atmosphere, but she needed to know what she’d been left out of. Crystal was  _ her _ friend, and Gigi was  _ her  _ cousin, and if something interesting was going on, she’d just always assumed they’d both go to her instead of each other. 

Gigi softened, “I’m sorry too, you were just asking. I guess I haven’t been very open with you recently.” She looked around, desperately trying to change the conversation to something less awkward when she heard a voice calling their names. 

“Hey Jaida,” Nicky blushed slightly, but it seemed to be noticeable to only Gigi, so she brushed it off. Jaida was dripping with gold jewellery, wearing a black bodysuit and leather look tracksuit bottoms, and even Gigi felt underdressed standing between her and Nicky - who was always dressed like she was about to walk onto a runway. She was secretly relieved that Jaida had unintentionally rescued her from the hole the two girls were digging themselves into, and quickly blurted out an excuse about signing up for cheer tryouts. While she wasn’t completely sure where she was going, having only been at the school for a week and a half, she concentrated on getting as close to the school, and as far away from her cousin, as she could.

Jaida leaned forward and gave Nicky a hug, “How are you?”

“I’m good, just a little curious you know?” Nicky began, “I can’t help wondering what’s going on with Crystal and Gigi. Like, there’s definitely a secret they’re keeping from the rest of us and it kinda hurts that neither of them told me.”

Jaida gave a gentle chuckle, carefully grabbing Nicky’s hand and stroking it, “Don’t worry, Nics, I reckon they’re just fucking.”

Nicky pulled her hand away, shock plastering her face, “fucking? Putain! Pourquoi dans le monde?”

Jaida hated how cute she found it when Nicky would switch into French, and it made her laugh even more, “yeah girl, you see how they look at each other? They are doing it.”

“I don’t know if Gigi’s really into girls, J. Look, I don’t want to get into it too much cause it’s not my place to say, but the reason Gigi moved in with me was because of situations she’s had with  _ men  _ that my aunt doesn’t agree with _.” _

“Chile, I know I don’t know the girl half as well as you do, but fucking or not theres no denying it. Miss Gigi is head over heels for our Crystal.”

“I don’t know if I  _ see  _ it, but you’re the one with the intuition, so I guess I’ll go with your gut.”

“Girl it’s not a gut feeling, I can see it with my goddamn eyes,” Jaida grinned, linking arms with her friend, “Come on, we’re gonna be late to History.”

Gigi had evidently managed to find Crystal after she walked away, making apologetic eye contact with her cousin as she walked into the history classroom, Crystal in tow like a devoted puppy. Nicky smiled at her, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes as Jaida’s words made circles in her mind. Has she really been so blind? She watched from the back row as Gigi nudged Crystal, giggling at her every word. Cursing in French under her breath, she grabbed a pastel pink post-it (ironically stolen from Gigi) and quickly wrote out a note to pass to Jaida. 

**Ok. Ur right. I’m sorry. G + C = <3**

Jaida bit her lip, trying to mask her satisfactory grin. She grabbed her pen and began to write. 

_ Of course I’m right. She do be shooting her shot tho. _

Nicky sneaked another look at Crystal and Gigi. Gigi was telling a (highly exaggerated) story about all of the artists that she knew from L.A. while Crystal stared intently at her, nodding along in glee. Nicky scoffed, she  _ knew _ Gigi never cared for those artists when she was actually in their city. In fact, she was 99% sure she’d complained to her about them many times.

**Which one are u referring to? They both seem pretty whipped.**

As quick as she could, Jaida scratched out another message and slid it along the desk.

_ Your “STRAIGHT “ cheerleader cousin ofc. Note the quotation marks pls xox _

Nicky shook her head at Jaida, her lips forming a small smile, as if to silently say, “I don’t know girl, I don’t know”. Jaida just stuck her tongue out in reply.

Nicky and Jaida were dismissed before their friends, so they lingered outside the classroom waiting for them to come out. When they finally did, Crystal skipped towards the two girls, a ball of energy and “good morning”s.

“We all have a free, right?” Nicky asked the girls, “Why don’t we all go to the back of the school?”

“Yeah,” Jaida added, “I got snacks. It'll be like old times.”

Crystal and Gigi exchanged an anxious look, before whispering amongst each other. Jaida raised an eyebrow at them expectantly as Crystal began to blurt out excuses of an art project that she  _ really _ needed to get done today. Nicky looked at Gigi, who gave a sympathetic smile, said she needed to ask Jan some questions about cheer tryouts and quickly followed in Crystal's direction.

“Chile,” Jaida began to laugh, “Jan’s at a soccer tournament all day.” She gave Nicky a look and the two girls burst into hysterics, giggling at how obvious their friends were. They ran down the hall to avoid the glares of disapproving teachers, and made it to their grade 9 spot underneath the bleachers. As the two girls tried to catch their breaths, their laughter died down and they just stood there dumbly smiling at each other. In that moment, staring into her eyes, pure amusement expressed on her face, Jaida had never wanted to kiss Nicky more. She bit the inside of her cheeks. Jackie and Jan were delusional. No, she and Nicky would not be cute, and no she was not going to go in that direction.

_ Nicky had always liked their space under the bleachers most of all because no one could see her under there. And if no one could see her, she wouldn’t have to worry about being judged. Jaida liked their space under the bleachers because it was the first time, through eight grades of schooling, that she saw Nicky with her walls down. The bleachers were important to both of them because it was there that their friendship group was officially formed. Sure, the girls had always known each other and shared classes with one another, but they’d never clicked the way they did now. Crystal was the first to occupy the sacred spot. Having came out as gay as part of a (rather extra) art installation during her middle school graduation, her transition to high school hadn’t been easy. The boys tormented her, half of the girls were disgusted by her, and the other half were too scared to let her into their groups, convinced a friendship with a lesbian would tarnish their reputation at their new school. Sitting alone somewhere hidden just seemed to work better for her.  _

_ Second came Heidi. She and Crystal were sitting next to each other in science and discovered their sense of humours worked perfectly together, which quickly led to a playful friendship. Jaida was third. She’d always respected Heidi and Crystal, so it just seemed like a given. Jan and Jackie came together, as they always had, aided with the excuse that it would be easier for Jackie to support Jan’s cheer that way. Safely. From a distance.  _

_ Nicky was a late comer. She never really fit in anywhere, but she’d never class herself as a loner. Yes, she was always lonely, but she was never physically alone. Throughout her freshman year, she had drifted in and out of different groups but she’d never managed to find anyone she really clicked with. That was, until Dahlia, who Nicky had been eating lunch with during March and April, decided to pick a fight with the beautiful, newly appointed captain of the basketball team. Nicky had always admired Jaida and the way she handled everything so smoothly, so carefully yet with so much force. As Dahlia “confronted” her, with rumour after rumour everyone knew she’d made up right then, Jaida just laughed, shaking her head at her.  _

_ “Give it a rest, Dahlia” she sighed, obviously already bored with the idea of catty high school rivalries, “It’s all good. I know you’re threatened I’m gonna come for your little title or whatever, but honestly, there’s really no need for me to do that.” _

_Nicky was impressed by Jaida’s genuine lack of interest in whatever nonsense Dahlia was spouting out. She smiled at the girl, who gave Nicky her winning grin, an obvious asset to her team captain position. She just screamed_ school newsletter poster child, _something about her made her just_ look _like a winner._ _Nicky knew that Jaida would go far in whatever she chose to do in the future, and respected her more than anyone._

“I’m so happy we’re friends, J,” Nicky sighed, looking up at her.

“I know, I love all of y’all.”  _ But especially you,  _ Jaida wanted to say. She leaned her head on Nicky’s shoulder, praying that her actions would speak louder than her words. She thought of Jan and Jackie’s words and everything she wanted to tell Nicky. She wanted to tell her how she’s beautiful, how she believed that she was the most beautiful girl in Springfield. No, in Missouri. No, fuck that, the most beautiful girl in the world. She wanted to explain how she felt connected to her in a way she did to no one else. That she had the perfect dry sense of humour Jaida could relate to. But instead, she just grabbed her hand, as they giggled over everything and nothing until the end of lunch.

  
  



End file.
